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So I took sometime to find myself. Did a little research to find out who and what I am in this community. Thanks to some of you on here and others from other LJ communities, I had a plethera of links for research.

It feels good to say that I am a wolf Therian! Not only to say it, but understand what it means. As far as lingo goes I'm probably still in the dark about that haha. Once I found I knew what I am, I dug out my old books on wolves and even looked up Arctic wolves to see it that is still my flavor and I am happy to report that, that hasn't changed. I really hoped it wouldn't.

I was going to post this sooner but I got busy with work and spent some time with friends, whom I would love to tell this to, but I think they would look at me and be like 'You've read too many werewolf books girl.' LoL When I'm ready I will tell them. Now while I was out with them one night, we go ghost hunting, we were at a park, sadly as a sensitive I didn't pick up on any spirits, BUT I had an awakening of sorts! See even after I did all my research I felt there was something missing that maybe I'm just someone who really loves wolves and dreams of being one. So I'm out in the park, it's really late, we pass the botanic gardens, I'm talkin to my friend and I hear something like an animal, I tilt my head to better listen and she's like 'what is it' I shrug my shoulder and keep walking all the while I hear a little animal scurring about, the crunching of their shoes seems louder.  I can smell things like food from the near by apartments, the freshly cut grass and a squirrel. I get home and I'm tryin to figure this out. I'm rackin my brain tryin to figure out what happened and it comes to me, I had a mental shift! I practicaly danced around my room! I wanted to call someone, anyone but sadly they'd think I was crazy. Yeah, like I was gonna tell them that when I was going through the long stretch of tree and they thought I had a feeling, I was really hunting that squirrel, not cool. Haha don't think so LoL. *sighs* I need some therian friends.

Now I can tell when I have a mental shift because my personality seems different, I'm a lot edgier and I feel I have more courage when I tap into my animal side. I'm a very friendly person and can be a little too nice sometimes. Most of the time lately since I've really come to terms with it and now I understand it more I'm starting to notice stuff about my personality and some of my actions that I do and it all makes sense to me. *Howls*

Kamali is my nickname, at least my online nickname but if you would prefer to address me as Niki that is fine too. Again thank you for your help in my journey!

Yours
Kamali

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
7deadlysins
Jul. 4th, 2008 03:19 am (UTC)
You were gone for like three weeks or something.

I took me ~3 years to become confident in my identity.

It varies for everybody, but I just feel like I should warn you against putting yourself in a box and labeling it before you're ready.

Also, while people might become more aware of their senses when they shift, I highly doubt any claims that their senses actually changed or became animal-like. *shrug*

Anywhoo, I don't want to come across as a total jerk, just trying to give you some advice I wish I'd had when I first started learning about therianthropy. :)
sonne_windsoul
Jul. 4th, 2008 04:01 am (UTC)
You mentioned that you took time away and did some research; what types of things did you research in the past few weeks? I just wonder this because you only stated in this post that you went back and read information on grey wolves, and specifically arctic wolves again. But did you research other types of canines, or some other non-canine animals, as well as looking into the possibility that the animal associations for yourself may not be therianthropic (or entirely therianthropic)? Wolf is a highly commonly assumed theriotype among therians online, and though there maybe many real wolf therians (and you maybe one yourself; I can't honestly know that), there are also many people who assume they are a grey wolf/other wolf without looking much into possibilities beyond that because of factors that vary from person to person.

For me, had I limited myself to just grey wolf, or even only canines at all, as I had done my first couple of years after coming across therianthropy online, I wouldn't have figured out one of my theriotypes as mongoose--it just wasn't something I considered, nor even knew much about mongooses back then. In some ways, yes, wolf did fit and I continue to admit that I do retain some canine aspects (even if few and fragmented), in part because of a spirit guide of mine I have a strong connection to. Though the point being that a certain animal (such as the first someone looks into or assumes) may fit well, it may not actually be the answer for him/her, and without research into other possibilities the person could be trapping him/herself into a particular box s/he doesn't really fit in; it's sort of like searching with tunnel-vision.

I'm just trying to encourage you to be open to alternative possibilities than what you believe the answer is now. If after extensive researching internally and externally, and to a variety of animals as well as alternative animal connections/spiritualities/etc.--if your current belief of being an arctic wolf therian is maintained through that questioning and searching, then you can feel all the more confident and confirmed in that belief. Because ultimately, whatever your theriotype is, or regardless of whether it's a theriotype or something else, it's going to be there anyway, so searching inside and outside of yourself more won't stop you from being what you are, yet it can over time bring you to a better, deeper understanding of yourself and your animality and/or animal connections, while feeling more confirmed of what the answer is for you.

About the shift you experienced, it more so sounds like a sensory shift, which doesn't necessarily mean it was therianthropic (nor that it wasn't), nor non-human--it's basically a shift in a person's mental sensory perceptions toward them (or certain ones of them) being heightened above the person's normal level.
k_rockstar
Jul. 4th, 2008 04:53 am (UTC)
thank you both for your comments. I will look into that. I do apprieciate any help any of you can give me, I don't take it as negative, being a writer you learn to accept critasism be it positive or negative. So thank you for your help.
7deadlysins
Jul. 4th, 2008 04:14 pm (UTC)
Just a suggestion - have you visited Werelist? http://www.werelist.com

Personally, I got tired of the discussions, so I don't visit Werelist anymore, but if you're new to everything and still trying to figure stuff out, some of the people there can be quite helpful. However, you're going to get the same responses pretty much anywhere you go, so it might not even be worth the effort of signing up.
aloiis
Jul. 4th, 2008 08:32 am (UTC)
Hello Kamali,

(please use the "reply" button under individual comments and talk to them separately, because the general reply link to your entry does not allow people to be notified about your comments)

I agree with what other people have said, and I will be even more straightforward than that. I do not believe that you have the "common sense and critical mind" standards that we have in the Animal Lounge. Let me explain myself.


I fail to see how someone who's barely "researched" for just over 2 weeks can get any real revelation regarding their animal identity (or lack of thereof). This is a serious subject. Introspecting takes more time and efforts than that, usually months or years; figuring yourself out isn't something you have that much control over.

Shifting is not a requirement to be an animal-person. Similarly, shifting isn't a "proof" that you are an animal person. You sound like you had a sensory shift, and that's it. I don't see why it has anything to do with therianthropy, and even then, I'm having troubles understanding how you came to identify this experience with wolf specifically instead of anything else - there is absolutely no way to know. And that's considering your experience was genuine, because some people get so obsessed over their soulsearching process than they end up triggering this type of shifts and are just deluding themselves; unfortunately I see there are risks that it was the case for you.

Also, and again, most shifting experiences are nothing like a change of personality. Therianthropes: the animal is YOU. When you shift, you're not becoming *someone else* - your animal-self is only brought to the foreground, but you remain the same person. If your personality gets more altered than that, I am afraid that this is either a totemic experience, or that you are deluding yourself and have no practical idea of what shifting is about.

You said you've researched, but what have you done exactly? The meat of soulsearching is about questioning yourself honestly and getting insight on who you are. It isn't about reading bits of information on your species of choice, or what other people have said on the subject - which could easily be misleading if you get too impressed and inspired about those words than they should make you think harder. As Sonne as said, you have to start from scratch and explore a much wider range of possibilities than just "wolf", and since you seem to be so fond of them, that's extra work to make it sure you aren't deluding yourself. Right now you make it sound like you only considered this species you want to claim to be so bad, and are doing your best to make it fit no matter what.

Lastly, this isn't a research about "what you are in this community", this isn't about how you fit in. This is about you. It's about your identity, and this has nothing to do with how you fit in with the rest of us. And I shouldn't care, but as an administrator your entries are problematic to me. The fact that you are so eager to figure what animal you could be, that you've only been looking into a specific species, that what you describe does not sound therianthropic in nature, and that your researches do not seem thorough and unbiased lead me to think that there are more chances that you are deluding yourself with all of this than anything else, I'm afraid. Not only would this be harmful for you, but I don't want to encourage this sort of "trying-to-fit-into-something" behaviour here and it can also be an issue for us in the context of mature, genuine discussion relating our animal experiences.


Nobody will never be able to tell you who you are, but your attitude right now make me think this community isn't suited for your needs. Even if you end up being an animal person of any kind, this is an alternative discussion group, not a support community and not primarily designed for buddies-making; I do not think you are ready to take part in the debates here. I will wait for you to reply to me, but I will possibly have to ask you to refrain from participating, and direct you to other communities.
k_rockstar
Jul. 4th, 2008 11:37 pm (UTC)
I can understand where you come from with the "trying-to-fit-into-something" behavior. I never said I was done with my journey I just meant that at this stage I am happy. I only came on here for assisstance, I wasn't looking for some kind of support group, just more imformed, experience people to talk to. I'm sorry if I waisted any time here. Thanks to the people who helped in any way. I'm off to find myself. I won't bother you any longer.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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